Complicated and sad

Why cant life just be simple where i have a mum and dad who care about me and make a little time for me so they can get to know me cause they have no idea of who i am as their daughter no-one does

I might not have a great relationship with my parents. However me and dad are working so hard to make our relationship stronger then ever while my mum couldn't care less.

Today was the first day where i was invited out yeah it was only to the back garden but i felt included for the first time in years. Didnt last long before i knew it that woman started. Dad, wee brother and myself were outside playing Badminton, we were having a laugh i felt like i was apart of the family for the first time in five years. It was like when i was a kid, dad making me giggle with the faces he pulls and the dance move, i had no worries felt like that today. However it didnt last long it was like my mum wasnt happy seen me happy. We were dragged in at half eight time for bed apparently after we tidied up the garden but getting moaned at for not putting stuff in the right place. i was re-building the swing ball as we dismantled it so me could put up the badminton net but got moaned at for not building it up quick enough for her

I don't sleep much at night i am a night owl you see. Plus during the day you have to see people pretending they like you and been happy when you talk to them. Not in to that too much at the moment like been nocturnal.

I really wish she could see the damage she is creating for not just me, my wee brother and niece. With me i can hardly talk to people about how I feel, so i cope in other methods, lock myself away from people cause if my own mum doesn't care for me who else can, having self doubt in myself not thinking i can do things while others see potentially that i cant. I literally CAN NOT see i future for myself.

Wee brother is just as screwed up but dont have a right to talk about his issues.

My niece is not effected at the moment but i do worry about her future, one she doesnt stay with her birth mother will she be trated the same as me or will she get freedom cause me and my wee brother arent here lets hope for that one 

Through to day i just feel like i am useless and cant do anything right i am on a downer see that i why i try never to be happy cause there is always going to be something that comes along and burst that bubble of yours

The song i have link means so much to me right now