Alone

19 years old, mentally abused by mum telling me i cant do anything right, that i should just give up trying, Then get physically and mentally abused by my friends, when they call me annoying, attention seeker when i tell them when i have an issue or them punching, kicking or pulling my hair out. People who are meant to care and protect see my so called friends doing this but no-one tells them to stop guess i have to do this myself too. This is not the life i wanted not ever. I want people to care about me, have time to talk when i need them, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. I dont have any of this and i am just beginning to wake up from the fantasy where these people actual cared. Now I am waking up i realise i have no-one, maybe that's partial my fault i may of push them away, Maybe i was too annoying for them. I dont know what i have done other than that.

I dont mind my friends as they come and go through out life but my mum should be there supporting me, willing to listen to me, have my back always but i dont, She seems to think i am fine but she cant see the inside which is broken. No-one can fix it apart from myself and the quicker i learn the only person i can rely on is myself the better. Then what happens when i cant lean on myself when i need the comfort from some other, I dont have anyone that actual cares the only people who truly do are paid to care about me.

Plus why do people always make me feel like i am nothing. like i am a piece of shit on the bottom of their shoe. Its happens so often i am starting to believe i am nothing and never will be