wtf

i cant do this anymore, crying myself to sleep after i have cut. i am stuck in this fucking rut i cant get out. everytime i think i am getting to the edge to climb out it sucks me right back in. I wish the fake persona i created, smile on my face, bubbly and talkative was real instead the smile is fake, the bubbly part is because of my caffeine consummation, talkative wishing i was silent. That way i  could not be called an attention seeker, no words no friends, no friends easy life in this way i wont be able to hurt them, they deserve better way better than me.

i am trying everyday to make people proud of me and be happy to be around me, i am just one big disappointment, i disappoint myself in not achieving my best, my parents dont support me guess i am just a disappointment to them too, so called friends dont care only text or message me when they want something. what the fuck i have i done in my past life to deserve this torture. i dont know how much more i can take, i think i only going to be able to take one more hit before i topple over the edge and destroy whatever comes first